Go to sleep now, or I’ll have to knock three times to summon the Floating Head of Death
A recent Saturday night. Late.
Jill and I are sleeping soundly at opposite ends of the TV Room sectional. I wake up in the flickering darkness and through squinted eye, see Liam between us, nestled back into the deep bend in the middle of the couch, sucking his thumb and staring balefully at the television. He regards me briefly over his small fist, then turns back to the TV. I begin to say something to him, I think.
A cushion… then darkness.
Later, I vaguely remember a sleepy Jill rousting me and herding us upstairs to our real beds. Liam walks ahead of me, and with furrowed brow, I follow his leopard-spotted blanket up the steps. “I’m going to lie down with Liam until he falls asleep,” Jill says.
I may have nodded, but no one really knows.
At the breakfast table the next morning, I suddenly recall my encounter with Liam the night before.
“Liam, were you watching TV last night while we were sleeping?”
“Yep.”
“What were you watching?”
“I watched a movie.”
“What movie?”
“I don’t know. But some guy was sawing somebody else’s foot off, and some other guy was encouraging him.”
I look at Jill, and Jill looks at me. She blinks rapidly.
“And then he was shooting a gun.” Liam continues. “And then he called him the adult word that starts with an ‘F’.”
He points at Jill, ”You know it, Mum-mum, say it!”
“My god. I think our five-year-old was watching ’Saw’.”
I ask him why he was up in the middle of the night in the first place; how did he come to be watching an R-rated splatterfest, complete with shrieking violence, bloody hacksaws, and profanity-laden amateur limb removal?
He looks up calmly from his blueberry waffle.
“Because I was having a bad dream.”
Tell that boy to write down all future bad dreams—at worst, you have a few sheets of wasted paper, on the other hand, you have a new screamer movie. They are never too young to start earning their keep.
this had me rolling on the floor. mostly because I can relate!
I woke up one night at 2am to find a two year old Tyler sitting in his little chair, in front of the TV in our bedroom, which he had turned on, eating cereal and watching a wholly inappropriate movie for a two year old. When I looked at him through bleary eyes and said “Tyler??”, his response was “Hi dada.”
God, that’s funny. Next time he has a bad dream, you might have to up the ante and go for Saw II.
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Hehe….just the beginning
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