“Okay. We’re going to need you to put on this white, official-looking labcoat. Then, look into the camera and act as though you’re holding a Shell gas card. And since we perplexingly don’t have an actual card for you to hold, simply spread your finger and thumb really far apart, and we’ll just Photoshop it in later. No one will be able to tell, because it will look so realistic and seamless. No, further than that. Further. There you go! Keep them just like that!”

“Also, we’re going to need to make up a fake-sounding name for you, which will in turn be Photoshopped onto the fake card. And even though it will probably be too small to be picked up by say… a camera-phone, people will notice it at the pump, and we need that kind of personal touch for our advertisement. Something that says ‘This is my name… and it’s here on this card’. How about…  ’Chris Morgan’? I like that. And lastly, Chris… may I call you Chris? Lastly, we’re going to make one of your eyebrows twice as bushy as the other.”

“Cheese!”