Sir,

We are now 3 weeks past the date by which you estimated that we should have received our “Bio Force TNT System AS SEEN ON TV“. This morning, I noticed that you are no longer a registered eBay user, and in reply to my earlier email demanding an immediate response, I received an automatically generated one that informed me that you are on an open-ended vacation, with no mention being made of a return date.

At best, this makes you a poor businessman, and at worst, a thief.

As I mentioned in my earlier correspondence, I have contacted my credit card company and initiated a fraud complaint. Your Paypal account has been frozen, and I am to immediately receive my funds back via the fraud protection that my credit card provides. I suspect your account was already frozen, as I am probably not the first to undertake this action if you are in fact absconding with your customers’ money.

If that is the case, then it is my sincere hope that you get caught, and someone with blunt, unkind fingers disembowels you by way of your rectum, then puckers your newly-outed innards with a good salting.

May the last thing you see be the crows pecking at your drying gutpile.

Good day.